surfmuppet

Forget the Rottnest and English Channels, Galway Bay, Watson’s Bay and the rest of them, Surfmuppet’s big goal this year is to get a novel done and dusted, ready to go out into the world for better or worse.

Yes. A novel.

That’s the reason surfmuppet took up this swimming obsession three and a half years ago – to run away from a novel he had spent over five years working on and totally fucked up in the end.

So in keeping with the spirit of 2014 – The Year of the Novel, the muppet went out and bought himself a brand, spanking new MacBook Pro, with the Retina thingy, downloaded Scrivener, and set a goal of 1,000 words a day.

The technology decision is important. For years muppetman wrung his hands about writing in longhand, on the computer, in Word, in Notepad, in Evernote, in IA Writer and a plethora of God knows what other means.

Fuck the lot of them. Went out and spent a bundle on the Mac and bought a GoPro for good measure, which he persuaded his wife to give him as a birthday gift on the 2^nd of Jan.

Like Barack Obama, Princess Diana and Julia Guillard, children of the transition year of 1961, caught between Baby Boomer and Gen-X, the muppet just turned 53. And if it’s going to happen, it’s got to happen now.

Around the turn of the year, in decision mode as to whether to pack in Vladswim and use the 6am to 8am slot every morning to fire up the Mac and get cracking on the word count.

Problem is, learn too much from Vlad, Charm and their funny bunch of swimming obsessives to just walk away.

Take Deano.

He’s training like a demon and is odds on to rip through the water at Rottnest for a  cracking time. Paid his deposit last week for the English Channel pilot and boat for his crossing in early August 2015.

A deliberate man.

Surfmuppet has watched other deliberate men this year step up to the plate and cross the channel. Trained with them, in pool and ocean, had coffee and bacon and eggs with them in cafes after, seen the light in the eyes and felt the fire in the heart.

Big John – July 2 in 18:15 hours in 13 degree water

Motorbike Marty – August 27 in 14:39 hours with 3 metre swells along the way

Doctor Jim – Swam with him for 5 hours at Balmoral in 15 degree water when he was doing his six hours Channel qualification swim. Saw the torture he was going through, face to face – but he just kept on going and did the Channel in 15:03 on September 21

Slovakian Pete – 5^th July in 11:43

There are other men and women, but saw these four up close and personal in the training and preparation – watched, saw and felt what it takes to prepare to swim that particular stretch of frigid European water.

Reckon there’s a bit to be learned from types like these at the place where long distance swimming meets long distance writing.

At the most basic level, the swimming is all about kilometres done every day, writing about kilowords every day.

Well, there’s a bit more to it than that but what the hell.

Sticking with Vladswim for the moment and trying to slot in the writing around the swimming – but if something has to give, the writing is the priority.

And so to Saturday morning, decision to go to Bondi for the 7am bash with the Vladsters or fire up the Mac and start punching out words.

7am finds our man sitting at his desk and feeling the touch of the keys under his fingers in much the same way as the aquanauts 40km away over the hill in Bondi are feeling the grip of the water as they wade out into the North Bondi rip.

Writes for four hours and blasts out 5,600 words. Along the way, in the eye of the imagination watching the guys and gals chalk up the laps of the Bondi Crescent, feed and hydrate, back into it. Finishes at 11am figuring out that even total diehards like Bondi John, Marty, Cyril and Deano will have packed it in by then.

These words are training words. Surfmuppet is circling his potential themes, characters, plots, dialogues like a great white rabid with hunger after the long swim from South Africa to Australia, circling a pod of seals and sizing them up for the juiciest, fattest, most delicious looking one to rip into to. Once the target is selected then, “Cry Havoc, and let slip the dogs of war!” No surrender. No quarter given or asked for.

Plenty of seals swirling about in the muppet cranium. Pondering whether to dig up the corpse of the aborted novel from a few years ago and breathe new life into it, or start with a fresh piece of seal blubber. Only the oracle of the words can tell.

With there still being a chance of doing Rottnest, the muppet cannot afford to back off the training, so headed down to Clovelly Lagoon in the later afternoon for a solo session.

Into the water by quarter to five for a three hour stint, until seven forty five. Getting well dark by that stage. Last of the swimmers and frolickers leaving the water. Fish gathering in schools, getting ready for the night time feeding frenzy. Out by the mouth of the lagoon, in the full tide gap above the underwater murder of seaweed encrusted rocks, the dark water of the open ocean zealously guards her hungry children from the eyes of would be prey.

Crack! Collides into another eejit out swimming in the half light, smash of heads, that feeling of getting punched on the nose. Right calf goes out on strike in sympathy with the bruised head, massive cramp. Muscle bunches up and the pain is…struggles in the water until somehow gets to the wall and massages the muscle back to a state where he can hobble to the ladder and call it a day. Still sore 24 hours later.

Ah well. Time to get the gear ready for training in the morning, iron the shirt and polish the shoes in preparation for the one-on-one with the replacement boss at work. Not for nothing do they call him the wolf of the north, so surfmuppet has to be on his best behaviour.

Not too many in the pool this Friday morning, 3rd January.

Lane one has Jai, Emily and Laurie.
Lane two a few of the fasties including the Dragon and the Ghost.
Lane three, the numbers thicken out and there’s more in Lane four.

It seems theres a direct relationship between strong faster swimmers and the numbers who turn up.
The muppet makes up four in Lane One, the least populated lane.

Been reading some material on visualisation over the holidays.
Wasn’t even thinking about this once we had finished the warm up and were into the main set. For the lasties, the main set is as follows:

4 x 100 on 150
3 x 100 on 145
2 x 100 on 140
1 x 100 on 135 or faster

Twice.

Jai is the boss of the lane and the pool while Vlad and his coaching team on off on holidays.
She explains that today we’re going to go on a 2.15 minute cycle for each 100.
That’s a lot of rest.
But you don’t argue with Jai when she’s on a roll.

According to Jai, the reason we’re all struggling to make the faster sets is that we’re not getting enough rest.
Ok.
SM is not one to argue when more rest is being offered.
Lane’s two, three and four would howl in indignation and undoubtedly this is why they are in the faster lanes, but Lane one progresses at it’s own, more colonial style pace.

The muppet is put in front by common consent which is bad.
The front means there is nowhere to hide.
There’s no drafting behind others as the leader has to do the breaking of the water.
The leader also has to set the pace – too fast and there’s the ignominy of blowing up and being sent to Coventry behind the slowest swimmers at the back.
Too slow, and the toe tapping starts.

On the turn, well ahead of the others so need to slow down.

Getting to the wall in 1.48 pace which is a touch on the fast side.

Doesn’t matter so much now but bitter experience has shown a few hasty seconds at the beginning of a long set can come back to mega haunt the erstwhile greyhound towards the end as oxygen deprivation kicks in and lactic acid builds up.

The head is going all over the place and in an effort to “go out of mind time”, the muppet inadvertently starts to visualise the face of the Garmin as he pushes the button for the end of each 100.

And something really strange happens – it works.

Visualise 150, and come into the wall right on 150 (well, give or take a few 1/100’s of a second)
Visualise 145 and sure enough, right on the button at the end of the 100.
Works for the 140 and in the horror show of the 135 as well.

Seems like the body is synching up with the mind via the visualisation.
Works a treat.
Might have something to do with the long recovery periods at the end of each lap.
But who’s complaining?

Afterwards, another session with Michael the Masseur and it looks like the back and the lats are coming good but the neck still needs a lot of work.

Last session of the holiday break – back to work next week.
Cue Marlon Brando’s Kurtz in Apolcalyse Now, last words.

“The horror…the horror”

Swimming pool in the morning sun.
A line of four men swimming up the second lane from the left.
Going in unison at a fast pace.

First two and the last man are nut brown from the sun.
Third guy is a pale, northwest european hue.
Leader is wearing a white cap – John and today is his 69th birthday.

Last man is Cyril.
He’s 70.
Rivals both for the super master veteran swimming category.

Man two and three are 54 and 52 respectively.
That’s a total of 245 years.
Going up and down the pool.

The four men jump into a time machine and go back 245 years to the year 1768.
They enlist as crew with Captain James Cook and leave Plymouth on 25th of August of that year on board the Endeavour on Cook’s first voyage down under to the South Pacific.

Strange, but true…ish

Birthday Boy…Photo by Sonny E

Surfmuppet likes to use the summer solstice each year as a benchmark of time and place. Used to be 21st of June. Then moves down to the southern hemisphere and the summer solstice lands on the 21st of December. This year, the 10km qualification swim for Rottnest Island 20km barrel of laughs on 22nd February, two months to the day almost.

Arrives early and parks in a leafy street in the hills above Rosherville Reserve which backs onto Chinaman’s beach. In the past, the 3 HA reserve used to be a market garden and salt pans run by Chinese people, hence the name of the beach.

Walks down the hill via what resembles the Kokoda Trail, a bushland track all rough, rocky and overgrown with trees in their summer finery. Weather is looking good, already a bit of heat in the sun at 7.15.

Vlad’s wife Viktoria and her two boys are on the registration desk with Charm and soon the muppet is gets his race number, 123, indelibly marked on the left deltoid. Next it’s over to where sports dietician Sarah and her elves have set up camp to do a hydration study on swimmers who have signed up for it – at $70 bucks it seems a good deal to check out what’s what with the hydration.

Sarah and her Elves…Photo by Charm

Surfmuppet has progressed from drinking pure water to adding Enduro electrolyte mix to it but isn’t sure if what’s the correct dosage – just slaps in a few ladle loads and hopes for the best. Never a one to get bogged down reading the instructions. Hand in two pee samples, one from the previous morning and one from race morning. SM forgets to do it first thing yesterday morning so has to leap about the bathroom to squeeze out a few pathetic drops once he remembered. Leaves all his paperwork at home so elf Erika helps him fill out the forms in the preparation area.

The Cobra turns up with his kayak and the pair drag it across the reserve and into the water which is almost still, mirror like, and warmish. Doesn’t last however. A southerly is starting to pick up and once the race is on, it has kicked up a fair amount of chop which hits once the competitors swing around the first headland and head south.

Charm lays down the law…Photo by Marty F

In the meantime, the rest of the punters have shown up and preparations are in full swing. Red hats for the 10km lot, white hats for the 5km gang. Vlad, Charm, Martin, Viktoria, the two boys, Marty (on feeding station duty), Sarah and her Elves are like sheepdogs driving a herd of water buffalo through the whole registration, weigh in (for the hydration testees), prepping, briefing, photo’s, get-in-the-water-and-swim process.

Giddy Up!…Photo by Charm

And they’re off….Photo by Martin V

The course consists of a loop from Chinaman’s south to the Island (really a rocky promontory) in the middle of the Balmoral strand and back again, a 2.5km loop. Twice for the 5km’ers, and four times for the 10km’ers. How hard can it be?

Well…the muppet is not feeling all that crash hot this morning. Yesterday morning after squad, has his first session with Michael the muscle mangling masseur, who has a wee treatment nook tucked into the corridor between the ladies and men’s dressing rooms at the ABC pool. Five minutes into it, says Michael
“Have you ever broken your neck?”
Muppet (after a momentary pause and in a hesitant voice)
“Ah,no…not that I’m aware of…Why?”
Michael
“It’s just that I’ve never seen a neck like yours before”
Muppet (slight hint of alarm in voice)
“Why, what’s wrong with it?”
Michael
“This is amazing. It’s completely f*#$ed” (or words to that effect as recorded through muppet voice recording memory technology – patent pending but don’t hold your breath on that one).
Muppet
“ooh…kay. Well, can you elaborate. Should we be calling the ambulance now?”
Turns out that the muppet neck is encased in a fascia of muscle fibre and collagen, in Michael’s words a fortress built by the body to protect a part that has been badly injured.
Michael on the rest of the muppet musculature.
“when was the last time you had a massage?”
Muppet, thinking
“maybe…nine months ago”
Micheal
“Really.That’s too long.I’d recommend every two weeks for the amount of training you’re doing. Your muscles are all knotted up. I hope you’re not planning anything too strenuous this weekend?”
Muppet
“nah…only a little swim tomorrow”
Not a great idea to have a long overdue massage the day before a big race, the muppet learns through his best learning modality…pain and torture.

Today is the second run for the muppet and the cobra team. Instead of stopping off at Marty’s highway feeding station at the end of each loop, the plan is to use the kayak to feed/ hydrate every 30 minutes. Using an energy gel type which the muppet hasn’t used before but which was on special at Coles the night before. And to complete the trifecta, heard the “you need electrolyte” message so piled the Endura powder into the water bottle so it has the sodium and potassium concentration of a bottle of the Dead Sea’s best mixed with the salt mines of outer Mongolia.

3 hours, 45 minutes and 50 odd seconds after the 8am starters gun, team muppet hauls it’s sorry arse out of the water and back onto the beach. Some swims the torture commences for the first K or so but eases off after that. Other swims start off nice and gentle and the torture kicks in around the closing stages. This was wall to wall, would-you-like-to-upgrade-to-a-large-fries-and coke-with-that torture.

Newsflash!! Attack of the Ocean Zombie at Chinamans…Photo by Martin V

Overall, it’s a great day despite the whinging of the muppet.

Marty’s Cafe of Dreams does a roaring trade with thirsty, hungry 5 and 10k-ers zipping in and out all morning loading up on the carbs and getting fluids down necks. Blackdog is roving around the place is his inflatable and Marty’s other half Sonny is out on the course encouraging the aquanauts along on their way.

Marty’s Cafe of Dreams, Photo by Martin V

As the morning progresses, the southerly picks up and it’s heavy work beating a way south to Balmoral but the upside is coming back up north with the wind and swell assisting from behind.

Some near misses along the way and the muppet has almost a romantic interlude with a female swimmer when the pair stop just millimetres from a head on collision, looking deep into each others eyes – very intimate.

Timing technology is a yellow post it note from Charm then hoof it back to the registration table where Viktoria marks down the time.

Post swim weigh in reveals the muppet has lost 1.5kg during the swim – must be all that Endura powder in the Dead Sea hydration mix.

somebody’s not amused…photo by Martin V

All the squadites sitting around on picnic blankets hoeing into the food and drink brought there for the occasion. This close to Christmas lots of festive cheer and well wishing. Squad closing down for a couple of weeks over the break and arrangements being made to knuckle down under the tutelage of unofficial coach Jai in the interim.

Picnic…Photo by Charm

The solstice hovers, turns, and slowly the light shortens by a couple of seconds each day.

Hi Sailor…Photo by Charm

Friday 20^th December

6pm on the last day of the working week and the corporate world is now on leave until early January for the Christmas break. Walking around the floors and not a sinner to be seen. A day of groups gorging on comfort food and goodwill and everyone now dispersed to their various abodes to frolic in seasonal cheer. 41 degrees outside and as the building air conditioning shuts down, the heat starts to seep in through the windows and the concrete walls.

Tis the season to be jolly, tra la la la la…la la…la la

Said goodbye to the Boss today as he exited stage left. Like the ocean, the corporate world has its cycles of life, death, rebirth. More than a few going down the same road. But the surfmuppet lives to fight another year in the trenches of the information wars of the early 21^st century.

Ah…Summertime in Sydney…breakfast by the car boot in the domain, driving up Macquarie Street, the world seems full of beautiful women in summer dresses and dudes in fine fettle after chasing said damsels all around the town over the weekend.

School holidays means the roads are less manic as Sydney slowly winds down and gets into holiday mood.

Summertime and the livin’ in easy
fish are jumpin’ and the cotton is high
Your daddy’s rich and your mama good lookin’
so hush little baby don’t you cry. (Porgy and Bess)

Finished reading A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens over the weekend – the original unabridged version with some drawings. Going back to the classics for a literary cool southerly change. Next in line is Gulliver’s Travels.

On the swimming front, the Cobra and surfmuppet headed out for a 6km session last Saturday morning at 7am from Shelly Beach. Cobra is only getting back into Kayaking so it was a good workout for the pair. Over and back a few times across Cabbage Tree Bay, dodging the pink plague of the Bold and the Beautiful along the way. Then loop around and down along the Manly beachfront towards Queenscliff. Ocean begins to build up once the pair move out of the wind shadow offered by the Shelly Beach Headland and a strong southerly is pushing a lot of chop around the place. Turn back at North Steyne SLSC and just as well as it’s a long slog back against the wind and a bit of a current. The Cobra falls behind as it’s hard work now on the kayak. Make it back to Shelly eventually.

Lots of sea life around. Spot a large Port Jackson shark just off Shelly, chillin on the bottom a couple of metres away from a large stringray which is doing the same. Plenty of other fish, some in groups of two and three, others in large schools.

Deano at squad provided the following article by Tim Winton on sharks, and how humans are the predators, not the other way round. Interesting read.

http://www.smh.com.au/environment/animals/in-deep-water-20131209-2z00s.html

Last squad session of the year this morning and it’s high jinks in the pool. End up in a series of relay races with a comic theme, orchestrated by Charm. Teams may up of a cross section from each lane. SM ends up with a gang of fasties from Lane 4, including visiting royalty in the person of a woman who’s swam the English Channel both ways. Win the day, hoorah!

All set for tomorrow’s Rottnest Channel 10km qualifier at Chinamans Beach at 8am. Vlad and kids put together a montage of the course which he put on show for the troops at the pool this morning. Should be a great day. Weather forecasted for low 40s so it’s time to slap on the sunblock.