Cry havoc and bring it on!

Was wondering what to title this blog.

In for a penny, in for a pound?
Might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb?
There’s no fool like an old fool?

Took the bait yesterday when Gordy the Flying Scotsman emailed saying the old gang at Spot’s whip n lash ‘em swimming squad were wondering what happened to yours truly since disappearing to join the rebel alliance at Vlad’s squad, the long distance specialists.

Then Gordy added as a nasty, deadly little sting in the tail of his email, viz a viz that entries were still open for the Big Swim, the 2.6km Palm to Whale beach kicking off 10am this Sunday morning (tomorrow).

A fiendishly clever wee barb of a challenge from the land of Macbeth and the Three Witches.

One of the features of the ocean swim wars of a few seasons ago was surfmuppet lurking out the back and drafting behind stronger swimmers, then attacking over the last couple of hundred metres with a sprint to the finish resulting in a few (a very few) sweet (oh so sweet) victories over way stronger rivals.

But, no sign of him on the Sydney short course ocean racing circuit this or last season.

Alas, the muppet was lured away with dreams of long distance glory and while he did complete the 13km crossing of Galway Bay twice over the last two northern summers, he fucked up his preparation for the Rottnest swim last year and any dreams of doing the English Channel to challenge super Deano and the Vladsters faded with the debacle which was the Galway Bay swim last July 26th.

Made it across (4th last out of a field of 64 odd) but an hour slower than the previous year, totally rooted after getting caught in the tidal change, and with the wife carted off to hospital with a double compound spinal fracture after two big waves smashed into the boat which she was travelling as part of the support crew.

Madam Muppet has since developed a vitriolic hatred of things swimming and anything ocean as she chews on the pain killers to deal with the pain which the spinal surgeon tells her may be permanent. Going for a swim now is like an alcoholic sneaking out of the house to get a swig out of the bottle he’s hidden up in the park. Buddies in the fellowship will no doubt relate.

No, in fairness it’s muppet lassitude, pure laziness and fear of getting stuck back in which has had him farting about with self training (ok, you were right Deano, it doesn’t work), doing some lengths with a local squad where he is king shit at the front of the lane (any swim squad where the muppet is in the front of the lane, strongest swimmer, is…maybe not quite at the level of Spot’s or Vlad’s).

Anyway, whatever miniscule training was happening ended with the onset of Christmas four weeks ago and so 4.5 kgs has been added on to the carcass which now weighs in at a portly 107.5 kgs (16.9284 stones for my northern hemisphere readers).

The muppet medico sternly warns that his optimum weight is 92kg (about 14.5 stone), so now carrying a lot of pork around the middle. With this much lard insulation could easily do a few kilometers up in the waters off the North Pole.

Got amped up over the last week reading some of the work of Geoff Thompson, writer, 7th Dan Black Belt, ex Doorman and BAFTA award winner. In one of his books, “Warrior”, he tells the story of Eddie Izzard the comedian running 43 marathons in 51 days back in 2009 despite doing stuff all training.

Well if Eddie can do that, the muppet can do the Palmie to Whale Beach tomorrow morning!

So, bring it on bitches!!!

Ok – Just signed up and the old shadow of doubt is coming up from deep down below like a humongous great white shark with a 17 stone muppet in his sights for breakfast.

No regrets, doubts or second thoughts!

Despite knowing he’ll get his arse handing to him by all and sundry, it’s time for surfmuppet to get back onto the beach with the over 50s old fogies wave.

To hear the starter call out “Face the Water!”

Tense up on “Ready!”

Then the crack of the starters pistol  – Cry havoc and bring the fucker on! (that’s the muppet getting out at the very end of the 2013 swim)

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